


Simplicity of Dreams

by mellonemrys



Category: Gundam Wing, 機動戦士ガンダム | Mobile Suit Gundam (TV)
Genre: Explicit Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-10
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-04 06:02:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1077437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellonemrys/pseuds/mellonemrys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High in the mountains, in a small village, Heero struggles to remember who he is after losing his memory to an accident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pieces

The little village was always quiet in the early morning hours. Their practices seemed a little strange to him, but then maybe it was because he wasn’t a very religious person. At least the villagers didn’t seem to care if he participated or not. He was an outsider, and they were not going to force their ways on him. They’d been calling him Sven, ‘boy’, since he’d yet to remember a name. It didn’t bother him, most of the time at least.’

Looking over the few belongings he’d wandered into the village with, he tried to piece together who he’d been. The gun had been loaded, but Jon, the doctor he’d been living with, told him that weapons were not allowed. So they’d taken the clips and put them away for now. Same with the knives. According to Jon’s wife Gitta, the only knives a person needed belonged in the kitchen. Jon and Gitta would then get into an argument about the usefulness of scalpels and other medical instruments. The doctor had been an outsider as well. He’d wandered into town during the war and decided to stay in order to help the small village. They were kind and patient, and that seemed to be what he needed.

“Sven? I can never seem to beat you up.” Jon said with a smile as he sat down at the kitchen table.

“I couldn’t sleep any longer.” Code for nightmares.

The doctor nodded and looked at the little collection of objects on the table. The boy had no identification, and seemed to be able to speak a number of languages. He was handsome, at least if the village girls had anything to say about it, but he wasn’t really remarkable. They had no idea who to contact about him. And once he’d finally woken up, the boy had insisted that they not go to the authorities. Blue eyes categorized each object again. Side arm. Throwing knives. Magnetic key card. A keyring with a small shard of metal attached. He hadn’t told anyone that he’d found plastic explosives in an insert in the heel of one of his shoes. His collection was strange enough as it was.

“Finding any answers?”

He picked up the keyring and ran his thumb over the small piece of metal. There was black paint on one side, and on the other ‘02’ had been carved into it. It seemed so familiar. “No.”

“Tell me what you dreamt about then.” It was their morning ritual. Jon was trying to help Sven remember. Because even though the boy didn’t want to let on how scared he was, Jon could see it in his eyes. The thought of not knowing anything about yourself was a little horrifying.

“The boy with long hair.” A common theme in his dreams.

“What was he doing this time?” He suspected the boy was someone that Sven knew from wherever he came from. Sven dreamt about him at least twice a week. And the detail in which he described him, made it seem like he was a memory trying to break through.

He stared hard at the checkered table cloth, trying to form the correct words. “We were…” His cheeks turned a bit red. “We had sex.”

Jon chuckled. “That’s not so bad then.”

“That was only the last portion.” To be honest he was surprised that he hadn’t woken up earlier. Running his hand through his hair, he tried to remind himself that it was only a dream. It hadn’t been real. That the boy in his dream was fine, because it was only a dream. “He nearly died. Something went wrong...and I was holding him in my arms. I think I was losing him.”

Reaching a hand across the table, Jon squeezed Sven’s hand. His body had been covered in scars, old and new. And from the damage he’d been able to survive, Jon was fairly certain that he’d had some training. “Sven, were you involved in the war? It doesn’t matter what side you were on at this point. But it might be a direction to look in. Some of the things you talk about...it just seems like it could be a possibility that you were a soldier.”

The Perfect Soldier.

He pulled his hand away from Jon’s and refused to meet the older man’s eyes. “I’ve been thinking that…”

“Oh?”

“Who else would walk around with a gun and throwing knives?”

“The war ended years ago. You could be anyone.”

Snorting and throwing the keyring down angrily he got to his feet and went to stare out of the kitchen window. “I can think of over a dozen ways to kill you right now. And that’s just with the obvious and easy weapons.”

“Why would you want to kill me Sven?”

“Because I’m stuck here and I don’t know why or how I was injured!”

Jon sighed, “You’re not stuck here Sven. You can leave at anytime. You know that.”

“Sven isn’t my name.”

“I know that.”

He gripped the edge of the counter tightly. It didn’t make sense to be angry with Jon, the man had taken him in when he didn’t have to. But it was frustrating. Not being certain of anything. “He called me Heero.”

“Who did?”

“The boy with long hair.”

“Is that what you’d like to be called? Heero?”

He’d thought about it. The night before had not been the first time he’d heard the name uttered in his dreams. But it was starting to feel familiar. “Yes.”

“Alright then, Heero.” Jon got to his feet and went to the ice box, peering inside for a few moments. “Why don’t you make breakfast, like Gitta taught you. And then you can help me with my rounds.”

Letting go of the counter, Heero nodded and took out a pan. It would keep his mind off of things, and he knew that was part of Jon’s reason for suggesting it. The other was that the man was a terrible cook. Once he had tied an apron around his waist, he shooed Jon back to sit at the table and began mentally going through the steps that Gitta had taught him. Jon watched him carefully. The boy might think of himself as dangerous, but they all had things in their pasts they’d rather forget.


	2. Skyfall

_He was falling. It was burning hot and freezing all at once. He’d done what he’d needed to, but he wasn’t finished. His hands tightened around the controls, eyes still closed. Brace for impact. His mission wasn’t complete. As soon as the suit hit the ground he was already moving protesting limbs to climb out of the cockpit._

_This was the last fight. After this...he’d be finished. Able to rest in peace. The gun in his hand felt heavy, but it was easy to make his way into the damaged complex._

_Why was it so easy?_

_Shouldn’t they have at least tried to fight him? Were they not even convinced that this little girl could lead them into a new world? Wufei’s words kept replaying in his mind. The image of the little girl with the dog._

_Mariemaia._

_Treize’s daughter, risen from his ashes. Pulled along by Dekim. A little doll or puppet of war. Nothing more than a useful pawn in his twisted scheme._

_They’d fallen like meteors onto Earth. They would never let someone unleash that kind of destruction again. Not even this little girl._

_Standing in front of her he didn’t have to think. He’d made his decision long before. It hadn’t been an easy one. But she’d been the one trying to drop a colony on Earth. Dekim had moved her and she’d directed the troops of where to go. Using Relena as a shield had been a good idea in theory. But another martyr for peace wouldn’t do them any good. Relena was strong though, and he was confident that she would survive the destruction he’d caused. After all, he’d survived this long, hadn’t he?_

_“I’ll put you out of your misery.”_

_He thought he saw Relena’s lips move as she cradled the small girl. So young. Even younger than they were…_

_“Thank you.”_

_A click. No shot. No final bullet._

_“I’ve killed Mariemaia.” His own voice was cool and collected. “I’ll never kill again...I don’t have to kill again…”_

_Falling to Earth was harder than landing. Your chest hurt from the cockpit restraints, and your stomach jumped as you got closer and closer to the ground. And little twinges of fear, the ones that you’d thought had been banished long ago tried to crop up. And as he was falling one last time, dropping his gun, Heero remembered taking the clip out before even leaving the crackling husk of his Gundam._

_There would be no more killing._

Someone’s hands were on him, holding him down with all their strength. But he pushed them off and sat bolt upright, gun pointed at the attacker. He couldn’t see their faces. The hall light was washing out all the detail in the dark room.

“Heero...calm down. Its just Jon...and Aaron.”

Heero put pressure on the trigger, not recognizing where he was. He’d never been there, but somehow it was familiar. Breathing heavily he put the safety on the gun and let it slip from his fingers.

He didn’t have to kill.

The two men turned to each other briefly. “I’m going to turn on the light Heero.”

And a moment later it was on. He blinked and looked them over. They looked tired, and the younger of the two looked a bit scared. The old man sighed and walked closer to the bed. “You were thrashing around. We were worried you were going to hurt yourself.”

Blue eyes flicked to the younger man who was still standing near the door. “Its more likely I would have hurt you.”

“The gun isn’t loaded Heero.”

Picking it up, Heero slipped out the clip and handed it and the gun to the man whose eyes turned a little dark. “I’m sorry. Please...put them somewhere I won’t find them.”

Nodding, the old man slipped the gun and clip into the pockets of his sweater. “Thank you Aaron. Can you give us a moment?”

The younger man nodded once and left the room, closing the door behind him. Jon watched as Heero got out of bed and ran his hands through his hair. It had been a few days since the boy had asked to be called Heero, just like the pacifist. He wondered if the boy had really remembered his name, or if he’d just picked it up somewhere.

“He was scared of me.”

“Aaron understands that you’re trying.”

“I didn’t know where I was.”

“That’s understandable Heero. You’ve only been awake a few weeks. You’re still getting used to us. And vice versa.”

“I’m dangerous.”

“A lot of people are.” Jon could see the frustration burning in the young man’s eyes. They all believed him. They’d seen what he could do. Afterall, it was too much of a coincidence that the base and distribution center for the area’s mob had been destroyed. And only a few days later, Heero had walked into town, looking like hell warmed over. The kid was only in his twenties and they were fairly sure he’d been the one to take out and entire crime organization. He wasn’t just a soldier, he was a one man army. But the village had decided not to say a word. Whatever he’d been doing, wasn’t their business.

“Why did you feel like you needed to be armed Heero?”

“I just did.” Heero was carefully not looking at the doctor. He’d broken their rules, he realized that.

“Do you feel unsafe here?”

“No. Its just not familiar.” Looking out the window, Heero stared out into the dark. After nearly a month, he still wasn’t comfortable here. It wasn’t home. And it didn’t feel safe. Even though the people were loving and kind, and looked past his outbursts and strange behaviour. There was just something missing. Like all his memories.

“What would help?”

He ran his fingers over the wood grain of the window sill. It was worn out. Stained and nicked from the years. “I’m not sure. Beyond knowing who I am and being able to go home.” Heero pressed his forehead against the window, imagining someone touching his neck, running fingers through his hair. His eyes closed and tried to picture who it was. The long haired boy with the pretty blue eyes maybe? If he wasn’t just a figment of his imagination.

“Your memory may not come back completely. You know that.”

His fingers traced the side of the window frame. His head was starting to hurt. Jon had insisted he take it easy still, but Heero didn’t like sitting around being useless. His head injury was healed, and that had been the worst of his injuries. So he felt like he should try to help the villagers that had watched over him while he’d recovered. Without realizing it he had started writing numbers in the fog on the window. He’d written them before. Said them out loud. Tried to make sense of the jumble set of numbers. It wasn’t a phone number, maybe coordinates? Whatever they were, they didn’t make sense to him now. He quickly wiped them away and turned back to Jon.

“Yes, I know. That doesn’t mean that I won’t do everything to try remembering.”

“I don’t doubt that my boy. But for now, why don’t you just try to rest.”

“I won’t be able to sleep.”

“Then I’ll give you a sedative.”

Blue eyes turned on him, asking him if that would really work.

“And some tea, that will help as well.”

“Thank you...Jon.”

The doctor smiled and got to his feet. “You’re welcome. We all just want to help you Heero.”

Nodding, Heero climbed back into bed as Jon left. He picked up the keyring from from his bedside table and turned it over in his hands. It was scraped up and honestly looked like junk. But he knew it was special for some reason. Closing his hand around it he accepted a handful of pills and a cup of tea from Jon as he came back. They’d discovered his immunities to drugs. So Jon had figured out what doses tended to work. And even though he hated giving someone so young such a high dosage, it was all that seemed to work.

Heero quickly downed the pills and the tea, then started to settle down again.

“Would you like me to stay for a little while?”

He didn’t answer right away, settling down and burying his face in his pillow. “I’d like that.”

“Alright, now try and get some sleep young man.” Jon turned out the lights, cracking the door so that the light from the hall could seep into the room. He knew that Heero was concerned about the safety of those around him. So if Jon needed to sit with him, to help the boy feel confident he would.


	3. Overboard

Duo let the glass fall and shatter in the sink. He stared at the broken pieces for a long time. It had been just over a month. There was nothing. No communication. No trace. But this was Heero fucking Yuy! He HAD to be out there! Somewhere! So why the hell hadn’t they been able to find him yet!? He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to Quatre. The blond was worried about him. About Heero too. But Duo was right in front of him. Duo was who he could help right that moment. Hell, he’d been pouring resources into looking for Heero. And Duo was grateful for that.

“Don’t worry about me Quat. Once he gets back, I’m going to ring his neck. And then kiss him. Or...maybe I’ll kiss him first.” He said with a chuckle.

“I’m sure something just...must have come up.” Quatre insisted, starting to pick the glass out of the sink. The ever helpful Quatre Winner, trying to convince him that one: Heero wasn’t dead. And two: Heero would be back soon, messy brown hair, sexy ass and everything. As if Duo had even considered that his Heero wouldn’t be back. The thought of him laying in some ditch didn’t occur to him while he laid awake trying to sleep. Nope.

“Something better have. Cause if he’s just lazing around somewhere, taking a holiday, he’s sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future!”

The blond CEO smiled weakly and nodded. “You’ve been drinking a lot more.”

“And?”

“And I’m your best friend, and you’re really starting to worry me.”

“Yeah, well, try telling me that again when Trowa goes off and disappears for over a month.” Duo realized that was the wrong thing to say. Of course Quatre knew this feeling. He’d very nearly lost Trowa during the war, and it had been his own fault. Nearly blowing up your crush wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to deal with. “Look, I’ll be fine.”

Quatre leaned against the counter, arms folded against his chest. He looked tired, probably from working way too hard. With a sigh he closed his eyes, “Heero would never just disappear without a good reason to. We just don’t know what that reason is. Once we find him, or he shows up, he’ll explain and then we’ll understand. But its not going to do anyone any good if you don’t keep taking care of yourself. Alright?”

“Yeah, I got it.” It was time to change the subject. “How are you and Trowa by the way?”

“There is no ‘Trowa and I’ Duo.” He pressed his fingers to his temple and huffed.

“Well there’s an easy way to fix that. Call him, ask him out on a date.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Duo glared at his friend. Quatre was the most stubborn, frustrating person he knew.

The blond didn’t look at him. “Because our schedules conflict too much. I would never have time for him, and he doesn’t deserve that.”

“You have time to come over and check on me to make sure I’m not dead.” He pointed out.

“Duo...please. Sometimes...sometimes things don’t work out. That’s all.”

“Uh huh. You’re too scared to try. Its been what, almost ten years since the war ended? Get an assistant for God’s sake! You need a life!”

Pushing off the counter, Quatre picked up his own glass and sipped at his drink. “Just stop Duo. Its none of your business.”

“Says the guy always telling me to chase after Heero! Do you listen to yourself Quatre?”

“Yes. So piss off.” Yup. Stubborn. And frustrating. “I should go, I have a meeting early in the morning. It was good to see you Duo.”

“Yeah, sure…” Duo followed Quatre to the door and locked up behind him. The townhouse was so quiet without Heero. This was the longest he’d spent sleeping alone since they’d been together. He was barely able to sleep at night. It was stupid, but Heero made him feel safe. He could sleep deeply and not have to worry about the sound of the pipes, or how the wooden frame creaked, especially on windy nights. Not when Heero was there to run his fingers through his hair and whisper to him in the dark that everything was okay.

The bed was...unappealing for the most part. Really the only thing that prompted Duo to go to bed anymore was the fact that Heero’s pillow still smelt like his aftershave. But he figured he should at least pretend to sleep, so he stripped down to his boxers and laid down on Heero’s side of the bed. There was a framed snapshot of them both at their house warming party, a keyring barely hanging onto the corner of the frame. An innocent, white metal fragment of something that was swiftly becoming just a memory.

Reaching out, Duo traced Heero’s face in the photo. He’d been smiling in that barely perceptible way that he tended to use in public. It always came off as a little shy. And Duo thought it was adorable. Just like his hair which refused to behave no matter what you tried to use on it. “Well buddy, I don’t know where you are...but you better get your ass back here. Q’s ‘worried’, which means you’d probably knock me a good one for not taking care of myself.”

He huffed and rolled onto his back, looking out of the skylight he’d begged Heero to keep. The stars were peeking out from behind clouds, and the weather was starting to get cooler. The stores already had Christmas stuff on sale. Even though October had barely ended. He needed Heero back. Needed him to hold him and tell him that it was going to be okay again.

“Heero...good night.”

Tears started to roll down Duo’s cheeks. Things were not alright.


	4. Little Town

Heero had fallen into a routine in the little village. Get up, help with breakfast and the morning chores. Then help the villagers with whatever needed doing. It had dropped below freezing and started snowing, which meant that work outside was mainly clearing snow away and collecting firewood. While it wasn’t easy, Heero didn’t complain. After all, the village had taken him in, so it was only right that he pay them back in some way.

His fingers were frozen by the time he came back inside. But the cold didn’t seem to really bother him. It was just another external force. Just another thing that made him a little more unreal. Gitta was peeling some potatoes with some of the village girls and smiled up at him when he came into the kitchen.

“Do you need help?” Heero asked, trying not to notice the looks that the girls were giving him.

“No, but thank you dear. There’s some hot chocolate for you though. Why don’t you warm up a little bit?” He nodded, spying the hot chocolate on the counter. Heero had to admit that he was fairly predictable. Gitta had his schedule down and always had some treat or snack waiting for him after he was finished with a task. It was...nice. Even though he knew he was just a replacement for a son dead ten years earlier. That was okay, because if Gitta and Jon needed a son, then he would try to be that for them.

Leaning against the counter, Heero sipped at the hot chocolate. The snow slowed any passing foot traffic to a near halt it seemed. But through the window, he could see a 4-wheel drive vehicle making its way down the main street. It was the type of vehicle that a militarized group might use, even though there were no insignia or visible plates.

“Well who could that be in the middle of all this weather?” Gitta mused, wiping her hands and peering out the window as well.

There were three of them, and they looked armed. Heavily armed. Which meant they had no business being there. Grabbing a knife from the table, Heero headed for the door, blue eyes narrowed. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at Gitta. The older woman looked concerned.

“Heero, just stay inside dear. The men know how to handle these kinds of situations.” Her grip tightened on his arm. Worry. As if by walking out that door she’d never see him again.

He gave her a small smile and hugged her, an attempt to reassure her that he’d be alright. “They aren’t prepared to deal with three highly trained mercenaries armed with sub machine guns.”

Heero didn’t even bother to wonder why he’d been able to tell. At this point, he just acknowledged the information as it came to him and didn’t question it. “Get to the back of the house with the girls and stay low.” 

With that, he let her go and walked outside, into the path of the three men. He figured he must have been somewhat insane in his life before waking up there. Why else would you walk out basically unarmed to dispatch a group of mercenaries? Looking at them with hard eyes he started judging their weaknesses, one by one. The men seemed unconcerned with his actions. “So, this is where you’ve been hiding?”

“I haven’t been hiding.” These people thought they knew him. Well they would soon be wishing that they didn’t.

“Thought you could just blow up our comrades and disappear on us? We’ve been to every town and village around trying to find you, you little bastard!”

He spun the kitchen knife in his hand, feeling where the weight of the blade was balanced. “It’s obvious that you’re the bad guys.” The line was borrowed from somewhere, a memory, or more likely some film or tv show. But it seemed appropriate.

Two of them raised their guns, they weren’t aiming to kill. Interesting. That meant that they wanted information. Or had some silly idea that they were going to be able to convince him to go along with their plans. Whatever those might be. He watched them carefully as the two men began to circle him on both sides. That had been a mistake, he’d left himself open to that by walking up to them and not having something at his back. His eyes flicked to both sides, tracking them as they moved. At least none of the villagers seemed to have decided that more heroics were in order.

“Come with us, all we’ll leave this place alone. Sound good?”

Clearly they knew he didn’t have a whole lot of options. But that didn’t mean he’d just get into their car without a fight. There was absolutely no guarantee that they wouldn’t hurt the villagers. So, Heero started towards the apparent leader of the small group, hands starting to come up in surrender. It had the desired effect. The other two men followed along behind him, closing the distance between them.

Then he was in motion, moving on instinct more than anything else. He felt a shot connect with his arm, but that didn’t stop Heero from grabbing the leader’s weapon and disarming him. More shots followed and then he felt a knife slide into his side. His elbow came up and connected against one of the armed men’s jaw with a crack. A broken nose was going to be the least of his worries. Grabbing the front of leader’s shirt, Heero slammed him against the front of the car.

“Who am I!?” Heero demanded.

The mercenary just blinked up at him, confused. “What?”

“Who am I? You seemed to know who I was.”

“I have no fucking clue who you are.” The man said and glared up at him.

A few of the men from the village had come out of their houses and were swiftly restraining the mercenaries. Two of them pulled Heero off of the leader of the mercenary group and he had to resist the urge to try to fight them off. Gitta was at his side as well, holstering a gun before looking over Heero’s injuries. Heero had never seen anyone in the village wield a weapon. To see Gitta handling one so easily, was more than a bit confusing.

“Close your mouth dear, its not polite.” She said, giving him a slightly disapproving look. “Really, you young men think you can solve everything by running head first into a fight.”

“What?” He was starting to feel anemic. But since he had a hunting knife in his side, that was to be expected.

“Heero, darling, the people here can handle things very well. You didn’t need to put yourself in danger. Especially when by all rights you still haven’t completely recovered.” She carefully wrapped an arm around Heero to help him back into the house.

“You have a gun.”

“Only with rubber bullets. Wouldn’t want to really hurt anyone, would we?”

“How did you…?”

Gitta sighed, getting Heero inside to her husband’s operating room and making him lay down. “I used to be part of the military. Before I came here, before I met Jon, or had Charles. You don’t lose that kind of training. And that’s why you should leave things like this to the rest of the village. You’ve seen combat, and that’s not fair for someone your age, dear.”

She had gotten his jacket off and was pressing a cloth around the knife. “While you’re here you need to rest. Remember if you can, or want to. But you need to stay in one piece to be able to do that. So, are you going to let the other dumb boys in this village play with any other mercenaries from now on?”

Nodding, Heero shifted and wrapped a hand around Gitta’s wrist gently. “You’re a good shot.”

“I’m a great shot. Don’t forget that, mister.”

Heero gave her a tight smile, “I won’t.”

Quick footsteps alerted them that someone was coming, and Heero tried to sit up. But Gitta kept him pinned firmly to the table as Jon walked in the door.

“Wha-What happened?” Jon asked, pulling on a pair of gloves.

“Our so--” Gitta took a deep breath and carefully brushed Heero’s bangs out of his eyes. “Heero decided it would be a good idea to take on three armed men alone.”

With a sigh, Jon started to get to work. “You’re lucky that this didn’t hit anything vital Heero.”

“You can call me your son...if you want.” Heero’s eyes slipped shut. He could trust them. Gitta had just watched him walk into a situation where he could have killed those three men. And she hadn’t even seemed afraid. Jon had talked him down from harming anyone after each and every nightmare. They were really good people, who had found a little piece of happiness in a quiet village up in the mountains. And if they needed him to take care of to help make them happy, then it was the least he could do.

“Thank you, son.” He felt Gitta kiss his forehead. “Now, just let Jon work his magic, and you are not getting out of bed for at least a week.”

Heero opened his eyes again and nearly argued, but nodded instead. “Okay.” It was best not to argue.

“Okay Heero, I need to take the knife out, Gitta, can you put pressure on the wound?” Gitta moved so that she could have a better angle and took a pad of gauze from her husband.

“Are you okay sweetie, without any pain killers?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.”

Jon looked at him for a moment, then started to pull the knife out carefully. Gitta pressed a gauze pad to the wound and pressed down. Breath hitching, Heero closed his eyes and willed himself into unconsciousness. When he woke up a few hours later, he was feeling a little bit better and was back in his own room. He didn’t move for a long time, eventually dragging his arm over his eyes. Little twinges of pain pulled at the graze, but it was pretty minor. His head hurt like when he was trying to grasp at memories that may not come back. He didn’t have parents. Somehow he knew that. They either had never been around, or were dead. But here were Jon and Gitta ready to take care of him for no reason other than they wanted to.

He wiped at his eyes, because crying wouldn’t answer any questions. His head was full of more gaps than memories. Yet his muscle memory was perfect. And now he had adoptive parents...sort of. This was a nightmare he couldn’t seem to wake up from. Not knowing who he was, if he was loved, if anyone but a group of mercenaries even cared if he was alive or not. It hurt so much, and he had no idea where to even start looking for anything. Rolling onto his side he closed his eyes again. Gitta didn’t want him out of bed, so he would just have to try to sleep and hope that his dreams would be able to tell him something.

They were probably memories. At least he hoped they were. Though the boy with long hair was probably too good to be true. He smiled and laughed, and put up with his lack of understanding for things. The boy was so beautiful, even when he was covered in blood, and bruises and had a metal pipe through him. Heero hadn’t slept for almost a week the first time he’d dreamt that. Because he didn’t want to know that he’d died. There was so much blood, that he had to be dead. That meant there was nothing to go back to.

* * *

 

Gitta always made tea and pulled out a tin of biscuits when they couldn’t sleep. Between them they had enough bad nights to fill a book. But since Heero had shown up, these nights sitting at the kitchen table had become more frequent. It wasn’t because he was trouble, the boy needed someone after all. They stayed up because Heero would need someone if he woke up in the middle of the night, injured and not knowing where he was.

Jon was good at that. He’d been an Alliance doctor before things got too bad. And at the worst of it, he’d seen to the soldiers they’d captured and tortured. Then he’d found the village and settled down and had helped all the veterans and deserters. He knew when to take a step back, and when to give someone a hug. It was intuition. An everyone in the village appreciates his help.

"He'll recover dear. He just needs a little rest and in a day or so he'll be begging to get out of bed." Jon reassured his wife, nibbling on one of the biscuits.

"I know, and it's selfish, but I wish he'd stay here. And I wish he'd take care of himself better." She sipped her tea thoughtfully. "It was almost like he didn't even realize he was injured, he just kept going."

"Adrenaline can--"

"No, I've seen men get shot and drop simply from the pain and surprise. He's different..."

"Well he did wander into town half dead and still managed to live. I guess I could write to some of my old buddies, see if they've heard of anything similar. How many kids could there be who can just walk away from that? Think he’d sit still for a photo?"

Gitta smiled and took his hand. “I don’t know, maybe. But, I know Jytte a few doors down has a few that she’s taken of him. Poor girl is smitten I think.”

“Ah, so that’s why she’s been hanging about.” Jon snickered, “I wish he’d realize his tastes don’t go that way so he could tell the poor girls to move on.”

“I don’t think he’s the type to realize that sort of thing very easily Jon. He’s still trying to discover who he really is for that matter.”

Squeezing her hand, Jon nodded, “You’re getting really attached to him love.”

“And you aren’t?” She accused.

“He can’t be Charles.”

“I realize that.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt love.”

Gitta sighed and got up to pour them both another cup of tea. They still had another hour or more before Heero would wake up. The boy really was like clockwork. “I’ve been hurt already. They handed me a metal and told me my son was dead, and that there wasn’t even anything left to bury. Heero needs someone to be here for him, and damn it Jon, I don’t care if he’s the most dangerous young man I’ve ever laid eyes on, I’m going to help him.”

Both Jon and Gitta turned at the sound of the creaky floorboard near the doorway. Heero at least looked a little guilty for being out of bed to eavesdrop. Though Gitta was pretty sure that he’d made a noise on purpose to let them know he was there. He was too careful for it to be a mistake. “Hey sweetie, do you need something?”

“I was just thirsty.”

With a smile, Gitta went to the sink to get him a glass of water. “You really shouldn’t be up and about.”

“I know. I heard you both talking. And I couldn’t go back to sleep.” He took the glass of water and started to head back to bed. But Gitta wrapped him in a hug before he could leave the kitchen.

“Sit with us for a bit then.” Jon offered, pulling out another chair for him.

Heero sat down as soon as Gitta let him go and looked at them carefully. “Tell me about Charles…please.”

“He was...a good kid. Everything I could have hoped for. I was lucky to have him.”

“Where did he die?”

Gitta gave him a pained smiled, “Space, just at the end of the war. He was following that General.”

“Space…” Heero rubbed his temples. He knew he’d been to space before. The stars held so many questions for him. “He was a supporter of Khushrenada.”

“I’d rather him have been a supporter of planting his ass down with a pretty girl and giving me grandkids.”

“I think I’m gay.”

For a moment, Jon just smiled before he started laughing. Gitta plopped back down in her seat and rolled her eyes. “I’m never getting grandkids, am I?”

“Sorry. That was...awkward.”

“No, its fine, you’re just you kid.”

“...I’m also 25-ish.”

“Oh really now?” Jon asked, eyebrow raised.

“Based on my apparent physical and mental development, that’s my best guess.”

“You’re still a kid to old folks like us. And its good that you’re trying to figure things out Heero. It will help us track down who you are.”

Heero looked down at the table and picked at the lint on the table cloth. “Even if I leave once I know who I am?”

“Heero, if you have a life to go back to, then we are not going to keep you from that.” Jon replied.

Gitta nodded, then added, “But you are always welcome here Heero. No matter what happens, you’re stuck with us.”

Swallowing hard, Heero looked up at them both. “Thank you.”


	5. Zero One

Jon received a letter on Heero’s three month anniversary of being in the village. He’d sent out a few inquires to old friends who’d been officers during the war. But this was the first response. It was a hard letter to read to be honest. His friend had been with the Alliance throughout the entire war, and when he’d seen Heero’s photo he’d recognized it from their list of highly dangerous targets. There were only five people who had made that particular list. And while the photo had shown Heero as a young man, rather than the kid he had been, Jon’s friend was positive that it was the same person. You never forgot the eyes of a Gundam pilot. Not if you survived.

Pilot Zero One. His data had been removed from databases after the war. So had any data on any of the pilots. Same with many of the higher ranking officers of the various factions. Preventer scrubbing clean their new work force. As if all the lives they had taken meant nothing.

His friend had recommended putting a bullet in Zero One’s head and hoping that it killed him. In his words, ‘Peace didn’t need a monster like that around’. But Jon couldn’t imagine doing that to Heero. He was sweet and kind in his own little ways. He tried to hide how much he cared, but it still came through in his actions. His violence wasn’t intentional. But what was he like with all his memories? Memory and brain functions were not his area of expertise. He was used to field medicine, and basic stuff like helping a cold or setting a broken bone. Telling Heero about himself could trigger something to resurface. And damn it, he was a doctor, he’d taken an oath to save people, not to kill them! All the same, he couldn’t endanger the village.

Glancing at Heero leaning over the bridge railing next to him, he watched the boy as he fiddled with the key ring in his hands. The one with ‘02’ carved into the black metal. Maybe it was a piece of that horrifying second Gundam unit. The one that had reaped Gitta’s son. Did that mean that Heero knew the pilot of that suit? No, he couldn’t blame the boy for that. It had been war. Casualties were expected. And now that it was over they all had to live with each other. The gun felt heavy in his coat pocket. Jon prayed that he wouldn’t have to use it.

Heero sensed that he was being watched, and turned those cool blue eyes on Jon. They’d never held judgement, and right now they were sad and almost lonely. “I can leave and you’ll never see or hear from me again.”

Taken aback, it took Jon a moment to realize what Heero was saying. The gun. Must have been pretty obvious to someone like Heero. “That isn’t what I want and you know it.”

“What did the letter say?” He asked, focus back on the twisted bit of metal in his hands.

“Heero Yuy is just an alias. During the war you were better known as ‘Pilot Zero One’.”

_’I like your eyes...’ It was an invitation for something. ‘I could use someone with eyes like yours.’_

_The glass hid if the old man still had his real eyes. But given the mechanized claw in place of a left hand and the braces on the man’s legs, he guessed he didn’t. The old man had a dangerous air to him, but he went with him. There was no more Odin Lowe to be ‘Junior’ to. What could be worse than having nothing? Not even a name?_

“Your parent’s names, your history, your birth name, there are no records for you at all. If they ever existed they were probably destroyed before you ever came to Earth.”

_The falling. It was exciting. All adrenaline fueling his masterful touch of the controls. His first mission. He hadn’t even made it to Earth yet and the thrill was just unexplainable._

“You piloted a Gundam during the war. XXXG-01W Wing Gundam, and then later, XXXG-00W0 Wing Gundam Zero.”

Heero was clutching the little key ring so tightly it was slicing into the skin of his palm. “Zero…” Something about that name sent a shiver up his spine.

“Is any of this sounding familiar Heero?”

Shaking his head, Heero closed his eyes and pressed his hands against his face. It felt like something was trying to slip through and tell him that it did. But those were just little scraps and fragments. Nothing useful.

Jon sighed, “You weren’t just a soldier, you were a Gundam Pilot. One of five people from the colonies that took a stand against the armies of Earth and space.”

“No.”

The former pilot’s face was scrunched up in something that wasn’t quite pain. “A friend of mine who was part of the Alliance military during the war confirmed it.”

_He’d seen the original plans. The old man hadn’t tried to hide them from him. And there had been no discussion about it. Especially not after the incident on that colony. His first majour failure. His humanity was a liability. It had been when the doctor had taken him in six years before. He couldn’t live as his heart told him. Not during war. It hurt too much and effected his skills too much. So there had been more conditioning to ensure that he’d always make the correct choices for the mission. If that meant he needed to blow himself up to protect the mission, then he would._

_The old man was intelligent enough to know that one operative would probably be ineffective. Surely there were others working towards the same goal. Going to Earth to take on every mobile suit that stood in his way. He would clear a path for peace, and it would follow in his wake. And that was why he had programmed the self detonation device on his flight suit on the same signal as the one in Wing’s cockpit. No pilot to question. No suit to salvage. Everything wiped clean. As if he’d never existed. His life wasn’t important. It never had been._

“All traces of the Gundam pilots were wiped from military and civilian databases after the war. So he could only give the information he could remember.”

Heero felt his knees getting weak and he collapsed into the snow that covered the bridge, hands still clinging to the rail. He had no past. It had been erased. Heero wasn’t even his real fucking name. None of this helped. It didn’t give him a flood of new memories. Just helped some of the little fragments he’d seen in his dreams to resurface. His head hurt so much, and he just wanted it to be quiet and dark.

Ever the doctor, Jon was kneeling down next to Heero and wrapping his fingers around the boy’s wrist to take his pulse. After a few moments he rubbed Heero’s shoulder gently. “Come on, let’s get out of the cold.”

His eyes flicked to the heavy bulge in Jon’s pocket for a moment. He could take the gun and just end it there. No one from his old life would come looking for him. Because he had no old life. He’d listened to the villagers tell their war stories. The Gundams were practically referred as Gods. Very few had stood against them with any effectiveness during the war or the Mariemaia incident. And Gods couldn’t survive on Earth. Especially Gods that had no one to go back to. No wonder there were so many stories and theories about them.

But Jon was helping him to his feet and pulling him into a tight hug. “I won’t tell anyone else. Not even Gitta if you don’t want me to. I’ll keep working on trying to find someone that knows where you were living at least, if you had anyone. That sort of thing.”

Nodding, Heero closed his eyes and tried to push all the self destructive thoughts away. They wouldn’t help him get past this. And the vulnerability was starting to get to him.

“You’re one tough puzzle to put together, you know that?” That got a snort from Heero and Jon ruffled his hair before pulling away with a smile. “And you might be a Gundam Pilot, but hell, you’re our Gundam Pilot, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good. Now that that’s all sorted, Gitta has been bugging me to ask what you would like for Christmas.”

Heero just blinked up at him in confusion.

“Don’t look at me like that. Otherwise you’ll get a knitted sweater mister.”

“...I’d like that actually.”

Jon just squeezed Heero’s shoulder and nodded, “Of course. Sweater it is.”

“Thank you.”

“Sure thing.”


	6. Without You

Christmas. It was fucking Christmas. Christmas, and there were no lights, no egg nog, no mistletoe. There was plenty of alcohol in the Maxwell and Yuy house though. Or at least there had been. Duo stared at his empty glass as he sat next to the fire. Heero was going to be so pissed at him for getting plastered. If the bastard actually showed up. Fucking asshole couldn’t even come out of hiding. And the fucking Preventers office wanted to give up looking. After all, if he hadn’t turned up yet, he either didn’t want to be found, or was dead. Right?

Okay, he was thinking too much. That meant it was time to find something else to drink. And ignore the doorbell. He was moping. So no matter how many times that doorbell rang, he wasn’t answering it. Nope. Was that a key opening the door? Shit. He never should have given Quatre keys. Not that he needed keys. Damn Gundam pilots!

“Duo?”

“Go away.”

“I’ve been calling you for days.”

Now, where was that last bottle of whiskey? The one that Heero had hidden after last New Years. It was damn good whiskey. And he really wanted to completely drown in his feelings right now. Heero’s office was the only place he hadn’t checked. He hadn’t wanted to pry. They were both entitled to their own space. He had the garage. Heero had his office filled with the most random computer junk Duo had ever seen.

But standing at the door, he couldn’t even force himself to go in there. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked back at Quatre and Trowa and Wufei. “Wow.”

Maybe he was seeing double, well triple? “Wow...I knew we were due for a reunion guys, but bad timing. Cause, you know...missin’ numero uno.” He wasn’t even slurring, which was quite a feat. “And you know as much as Heero would never admit it, he’d...he’d wanna be here if you guys were all here. So you just have to leave. All of you. Now.”

Quatre didn’t budge. He wrapped his arms around Duo and didn’t let go. “Duo, you didn’t answer my calls. I was really starting to worry I was going to find you…”

“Whoa! Quat, stop it. Okay?” He squirmed out of Quatre’s arms and stalked into Heero’s office. “I’m fine! I’m more than fucking fine! I’m here, in our _house_ , alone on Christmas. And all because Heero fucking Yuy can’t be arsed to crawl out from whatever rock he’s been hiding under and come home! Sometimes...sometimes I need him here to just…” 

Leaning against Heero’s desk he wiped furiously at his eyes. He was not going to cry. Not in front of the guys. Fuck why wasn’t Heero back yet? His laptop, papers, even his cryptic little notes were still on his desk. It was like he was just taking a break from working on something in the other room.

“Maxwell, we’re not going to stop looking for him. Yuy has survived things no one else would.” Wufei commented. It was hard seeing a grown man like this. But even harder to watch a friend go through something like losing the one person that made everything make sense.

Duo’s laugh wasn’t pleasant. It was full of bitterness and raw from his tears. “I saw what was left of his ‘target’ ‘Fei. I’m not an idiot. Anyone that was in the middle of that mess. They’re dead. They’ve been dead for three months. And that means…”

“He lived through self-destructing Wing.” Trowa said quietly from where he was standing next to Quatre. “And that was before he had you to come back to.” 

They were certainly cozy all of a sudden. Great. Good for them, getting their heads out of their asses. Blondie and his acrobat. The most obvious fucking relationship ever. And it had taken them how many years to get their shit together? And just in time to be all snuggly over Christmas too.

“We’re not fifteen anymore. Ro’ is the best, but why wouldn’t he have come back if he were alive? And if he hates me, then I wish he’d just stay dead forever.”

“Duo, stop being ridiculous. He loves you. He probably can’t come home. I don’t know the reason. And there are hundreds of possibilities, but you can’t give up on him. Its Christmas Eve, and its the first time we’ve been mostly together like this in a while, so we’re going to order take out, and we’re going to try to make the most of things.” Quatre said with finality. He looked at Duo for a moment making sure he wasn’t going to hear any arguments. There was no way that he was going to leave Duo on his own like this.

“All the take out menus are in the junk drawer.”

“Good, show me.” The blond insisted and started pulling him back to the kitchen. He was glad the others had agreed to come with him. Because if things had been worse. If Duo had done something stupid, he wasn’t ready to discover that alone. They managed to decide on something for dinner and wasted away the hours by telling silly stories about their lives. Eventually Duo even joined in, and seemed to be doing a little bit better. It had been so long since they’d been able to just talk without work or anything else getting in the way.

Wufei and Trowa did have things to get back to though, so once they were sure that Duo was at least sobered up a little bit, they said their goodbyes. That left Quatre leaning against Duo on the couch, close to nodding off.

“Quat, you didn’t have to do this. I mean, waste your Christmas on me.”

“Its not wasted.” He replied, shifting into a more comfortable position. “You’re my best friend. And you make a good pillow.”

Duo smirked, “Do I?” 

“Yes.” Quatre looked up at him and smiled.

“Better than mister tall, dark and flexible?”

“We are not talking about me.”

“How many bases have you gotten to?”

Quatre sat up and sighed, “None. We’ve gone out for dinner.”

“Ugh, you’re so close Quat!” He said dramatically and got to his feet, picking up a pack of cigarettes. It was a stupid habit, but it helped sometimes. He could feel Quatre’s eyes on him as he walked to the back door. “Come on, don’t give me that disapproving look that I know you are. Just come out with me, keep me company?”

Getting up and pulling his coat on, Quatre followed Duo outside. He snagged one of Duo’s cigarettes and leaned against the brick building looking up at the snow.

“You don’t smoke.”

“I’m a twenty five year old CEO Duo. I’ve smoked in my lifetime. Just don’t tell Trowa. And if you want me to quit, you have to quit.” Quatre quipped back, taking the lighter from Duo.

“You’re kinda a bastard Q, you know that right?”

“Its what makes me good at my job. Big baby blues that lure everyone into a false sense of security. Then I start playing hardball.” He blew the smoke from his cigarette up and frowned. “Duo, you had me scared to death.”

Duo blew smoke rings in Quatre’s direction, thinking over what he would say to that. “I’m trying to deal with this, okay? But its been three months. What am I supposed to do? Just go on with life? Without him...I can’t.”

“Its not going to be easy Duo. But I’m not going to ditch you. If you wanna talk, or have dinner, or just need someone here...I’ll be here.”

“I can’t ask you to do that Quat.”

“You’re not asking. I’m telling you.” He said sternly, turning hard blue eyes on Duo. It was a look that said ‘Don’t fuck with me, I’m a Winner’. And while it wasn’t the first time that Duo had seen it, it had been some time since Quatre had turned it on him.

So, taking a deep drag on his cigarette, Duo tried not to let that look get to him. Quatre was only concerned, trying to help him. He was optimistic that Heero would come back, and spending Christmas with his depressed, best friend. “Okay. Don’t worry, I won’t freak you out again. Promise. Pinky swear even.”

He offered his pinky out to Quatre with a small smile. And Quatre wrapped his own pinky around it. “I will hold you to this Duo Maxwell.”

“Yeah, I know. I can’t get anything past you, buddy. Never have been able to.” Wrapping an arm around Quatre’s waist, he pulled him close. The silly blond was freezing but didn’t want to say anything about it. “Buuuuuut, you’ve gotta do one thing for me.”

Snuggling against Duo, he tried to warm up. He had a sneaking suspicion what this was about. “Oh, what’s that?”

“You’re not getting any younger Quat, and you’re not gonna get any less busy. Take a weekend off, sometime soon, and go some place nice with Tro. Before something happens to one of you.” He dropped the stub of his cigarette on the patio and ground it under his shoe. “Cause I’d hate for you to lose out before you even got a chance to be with the guy.”

“You know, its not that easy to just--”

“Quat, don’t over think it, just do it. And don’t try to tell me that you haven’t been jonesing over the guy since you both met at Corsica. I mean, I thought you were going to completely shut down for a while after he uh...went missing. I don’t wanna see you like that again.”

“You mean, like how you are? Though I guess I didn’t drink everything in my apartment.” He sighed and kissed Duo’s cheek. “I’m going to take some time off from WEI to help look for Duo. And be here for you. If, and only if, Trowa has some time off and wants to go somewhere and Wufei is willing to babysit you, then sure.”

“Babysit?”

“There is nothing in your refrigerator Duo, and I’d prefer if the lack of alcohol stayed that way.”

Duo rolled his eyes but agreed. He wasn’t taking care of himself, and it wasn’t helping anyone. “You’re a good friend.”

“So are you. Now can we go in before I freeze?”

“Of course. I’m pretty tired, should probably hit the hay.” He pulled Quatre back into the warmth of the house and brushed the snow out of the blond’s hair.

“Okay, I’ll be on the couch in case you need anything.”

Clucking his tongue, Duo started nudging Quatre to the stairs. “Not only do we have a guest room Mr. Winner, but...I’d be okay with some company. Its weird sleeping alone for three months when you’ve been with someone for years.”

“I hear I’m a good snuggler.” He didn’t mind comforting Duo for a night. Especially when he really needed it.

“You are. Now, this is getting way too sappy, come on.” Pulling him up stairs, Duo went over to Heero’s dresser once they reached the bedroom. Quatre was closer to Heero’s size now, since he was pretty much skin and bony elbows. He took out some pajama bottoms and tossed them on the bed. “You can borrow those. I’d let you borrow mine, but you kinda hit your growth spurt, and I still have my skinny, fifteen year old ass.”

“Thanks Duo.” Quatre knew it was an attempt at hiding the fact that Duo didn’t really want him touching Heero’s things. But he was trying to be helpful. And Quatre didn’t want to make things worse by declining. So he changed and slipped into bed next to Duo. His friend was quick to bury his head against Quatre’s chest. He wrapped his arms around Duo carefully and just held him quietly for a long time. When he heard Duo start to cry he didn’t say anything, just pet his hair gently.

“I miss him.”

“I know, I do too.” Quatre said and prayed that somewhere, Heero was alright and that he’d come back. Because he wasn’t sure how long Duo would last like this.


End file.
